roots

summat jaye said last night about me coming from daaahn saaarth and now living oop t'north, which incidentally is via the midlands for a good proportion of my life, as being strange - had me thinking about roots.

i don't feel like i've got any - in the sense of coming from somewhere.  my family are a combination of english, maltese and german for a start so i'm in no way totally english and i'm told i don't look english.  well i was brought up in england, i speak the language and make roast dinners on a sunday and queue for things and i'm definitely reserved with people so i guess that makes me pretty english.  but especially in the town where i live now i know i stick out a bit and sometimes i can tell people are trying to work out where i come from.  having an accent that takes in kent and coventry and is in no way consistent doesn't help either.  i was once told i look mixed race - i think that's cos i've got curly hair and dark brown eyes though.  my skin is pretty pale and burns in the sun like english people's skin - sort of that rare roast beef colour and then peels off to go back to no tan whatsoever 2 days later. unlucky...

i read this book

 a little while ago.  it was pretty good actually but it made me feel a bit hollow at the same time.  it's all about not fitting in anywhere - based on a woman brought up in the 70's in england by jamaican parents, who goes to jamaica to try and find her roots and learn about her family tree.  i identified a bit with the main character.  although i've never been to malta to test this theory *thinks about going to malta*

in my dreeeaaams...

actually i did go to germany with the school when i was 15 and i have to say that i probably felt more at home there because of the food.  i bloody heart german food.  i remember other girls leaving theirs and me having more than one dinner... hehe

but i don't fit in daaahn saaarth with the rest of my family cos i wasn't brought up there.  i never fit in where i was brought up - because of my accent and cos i wasn't from there.  and i definitely don't fit in round here.  but i dooo like it round here.  i like the countryside and the communityness of the town, and i can't really see me moving anywhere else for the time being.  maybe you can put down your own roots innit.

i'd like mine to look like this

please.

with this as a soundtrack